Talk Radio

I'm building me a bunker for when the man comes
knocking at my door to try to take away all my guns
I know it sounds paranoid and I know it sounds dumb
but it's so--I heard it on talk radio.

they monitor you movements and I think they read your mind
they knocked me out and they put a computer chip in my behind
then they track me with a satellite, so they can always find
where I go. I heard it on talk radio

It started with the fluoride in the water
the Lyndon Johnson killed John Kennedy
now it's the taxes and the census and UN and the public schools
it's all just a liberal conspiracy

I was feeling kind of low. I had some things on my mind,
and I needed some advice on how to put it all behind
and I guess that I expected someone gentle and kind
but woudn't you know--I tuned into talk radio

the "doctor" said forgiveness is a weakness
if you're on the edge she's got your little shove
then she claimed to speak for God to little children
you know she's no fool for unconditional love

if you hear there's aliens among us, and now there's evidence
if you hear crazy flips of logic that defy coincidence
and if every crackpot with a telephone is putting in two cents
then you know--you just tuned into talk radio

they're all so self rightious, they're so wrapped up in the flag
and they say you gotta fight for freedom
(unless you're a woman or a fag)
If you have to turn it off 'cuse it's about to make you gag
then you know--you just tuned into talk radio