Things I'll Never Understand

I have been around a while and I've learned a thing or two

most have been forgotten, but there's one thing I know is true

as I'm growing older, I can't help but see

all the many things that have alluded me

I sit here and I wonder. I'm amazed, I truly am

at the growing list of things I know I'll never understand

Like politics, computers, woodworking, guys in sales

physics, how a car works, why we're killing all the whales

why a funeral costs so much, and libraries don't

why is it that some girls will and some girls won't?

why are we all here? Is there some big master plan?

you can add it to the list of things I'll never understand.

He writes her pretty love songs, and under the window he sings

he buys her pretty flowers and he buys her all these things

he loves it when they're shopping, and he loves to go for walks

he sits there at wide-eyed attention when she talks

she dumps him for a guy who treats her like garbage in a can

you can add that to the list of things I'll never understand

and what the hell is calculus? I had it as a class

I spent the whole semester with my head stuck up my butt

derivatives and functions, I used to know what those were

I remember Greek and squiggle lines and the rest is all a blur

turned my final test in blank and out the door I ran

you can add that to the list of things I'll never understand

Well I am just disgusting, I'm completely self-absorbed

I'm a total navel-gazer--you must be completely bored

I lack definition, I lack self-control

by now you've searched the license for some matrimonial loop hole

when you say you love me I'm a very happy man,

but you can add that to the list of things I'll never understand